Sunday, March 18, 2012

some days.....

Its a crazy day or I guess its been always been this way but I have never been successful enough to do anything. Life has always been on my nerves and sometimes my will power dies and sometimes it comes back up. And I believe as I have grown older, my will power has given up. I remember myself being so strong, so lively and high-spirited but I guess all of it is lost somewhere and I have been searching for it for so long but its nowhere to be found. I can't do this anymore. I can't live like a dead soul which has no hopes, no feelings and no desire. I can't be a waste of life. I would rather give this space to someone else rather than just grow to be another old, tired, tasteless, lifeless zombie.  I wish I was living alone so that doing all this or at least thinking it through would be easy, so that I wouldnt have been a burden on anyone. I mean I dont want to slit my wrists and die in my room and leave my housemates to clear my mess. I need time and space and for that I need enough money to organize everything. I mean how can I be free when I dont even have a right to die at my own terms.

I remember my first suicide attempt when I was 17, bound by my family in chains of tradition of being this good little girl, when it became way too hard for me to breathe. I dont know if I can even be at my parents and finish things off there. I mean what would my sisters think that after all these years she came back just so that we could clear up her mess again. I dont know how I will do it or when will I figure out the intricate details of my departure but I have a feeling it will be soon.

It will be just one of these days when you can think everything and see everything clearly.It will be like it was said in Smoked Signals; "Some days its a good day to die and some days its a good day to have breakfast."

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Kony Hysteria... and where did gray matter go!!

I am still very sceptical about the whole thing, its not like world will be all cupcakes and unicorns if Joseph Kony is arrested, there will always be someone else to fill in that power gap and most prolly something worst will emerge. People all over the internet have been crusading over Kony's military budget, which is supposedly super lavish. It might be true and there is no denying it but did anyone really bothered to think for a second who benefits from the chaos he creates and how he gets hand on so much money. After all, we live in a place where most of the weapon in circulation is made by the great first world nations. So why talk about peace.

I am usually very scared to discuss these topics in public as I am aware the pseudo reaction which is usually expected of people.

Though, people in our western privileged world are all praising the director of “Invisible Children” for making this documentary and making the world more “aware” and giving hipsters a chance to get rid of their privileged white guilt. In another part of the hemisphere (Uganda), where people have been affected by Kony's resistance army, few people who attended an outdoor screening of the viral video, organized by African Youth Initiative Network, threw ROCKS at the screen before it was even over.

Now hold on a minute, are you surprised and confused why would the great saviour of Ugandan people be shamed for his efforts especially when he is giving them this charity to amazing life...?? Al-Jazeera interviewed a man who was abducted by Kony's army, he said that he wants to Kony to be stopped but the promotional tactics were insensitive. There is no representation of Ugandans in this so called struggle portrayed by “KONY 2012”. If you are supposedly “empowering” me, why is not the leadership with me, why is it placed in your hands? Why does “Invisible Children” has all American board members, are they too scared of Ugandans or do they think they are incapable of such tasks? Why has the organization refused to be open about their financials and why are only 30% of the money raised used towards such projects and where does 70% of the fundraised money go?

People don't understand that people are not inherently “savages” or evil. Most issues like the case of Kony arise from the fact there has been poverty, colonization, corportisation and systemic issues of discrimination and oppression. The video is not just disturbing but its also racist, demeaning and condescending the way it portrays Ugandan people and culture. and And if at the end of the day, all we are worried about is getting rid of one person and believe that it will address all the underlying issues. Its naive to think like that, we need to be critically aware of who is benefiting from this whole tirade of systemic and cultural violence of African people.

Tavia Nyong’o, associate professor of performance studies at New York University, said in an interview, “Its a propaganda for a western viewer. The way they present the facts and information and history of the conflict and their solution is not something that is by any means the common point of view amongst Ugandans.” “They say it’s ‘not about politics and it’s not about the economy’ [in the video], but it’s actually all about politics and the economy.”
Personally, I find this whole idea of 'creating awareness' to be stupid and ridiculous. Why is it only people from other countries are at its recieving end, do we not have issues in North America? Do people over here dont suffer from poverty, homelessness, mental health, addiction issues etc? The western society has been a cause of so many wars and so many brutal killings, from supporting war in Afghanistan, Iraq and Libya in the name of democracy to planning strike on Iran. There is blood being shed in the name of people here everywhere. There is blood in our laptops, our coke, our shoes, our phones, our clothes, everything. If someone has to be tried for being a war criminal, it should be our great “West” population for greed and systemic supremacy!
Even though I am ranting here today, I am very well aware this will be totally disregarded by our great self absorbed community which doesn't believes in power, struggle, systemic oppression, politics and economics of war. And I know that at their proposed date there will be those great KONY 2012 posters which signify colonialism and white saviours everywhere.

For more analysis read Jamilah King’s “Kony 2012’s Success Shows There’s Big Money Attached to White Saviors.”

And if you have an ounce of conscious, go and look for things for yourself and make your own informed decision.

Website last updated 2013